Marriage

Jesus’ words

Jesus was asked if it was permissible to divorce. His words were quite clear. Let me show them to you exactly as they are written.

He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And, if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mark 10:11-12)

In another place, he also said that if a husband divorces his wife and she remarries, the husband who divorced her "causes her to become an adulteress" and "anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32). I don’t know how Jesus could have made it any clearer.



The error of the Pharisees

There were experts in biblical law in Jesus’ day just as there are experts on the Bible in our day. Unfortunately, today’s experts are saying the same thing that the experts in Jesus’ day were saying in opposition to Jesus. In Jesus’ day, they referred back to Moses who had said that a man could divorce his wife. The reality was however that he could only divorce her if he realised the first day into their honeymoon that she was ‘no virgin’ and she had pretended to him previously that she was. The Pharisees had misunderstood Moses, and it had led them into error. Moses had spoken about divorcing a wife because of something displeasing about her when he said,

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, (Deuteronomy 24:1)

The Pharisees interpreted this to mean that a man can divorce his wife if he finds something that they define as indecent about her instead of the type of indecency that Moses had previously defined. Moses had also said not long before,

He can never divorce her as long as he lives. (Deuteronomy 22:29b)

They were turning Moses into a crazy man who one moment said that he could never divorce her and the next moment said that he could divorce her if he found anything that they defined as indecent about her. If they had not misunderstood Moses, they would not have been trying to test Jesus on the issue. Divorce was a part of the culture and mentality, but this culture of divorce was based on a twisting of what Moses meant to what they wanted Moses to have meant.



The law of Moses

What Moses had actually said previously was the following.

If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the town elders at the gate. The girl's father will say to the elders, "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, and the elders shall take the man and punish him. They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the girl's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives. (Deuteronomy 22:13-19)

Hardened hearts

It is clear that divorce was not permissible under Mosaic Law if the charge of undisclosed sex before marriage was found to not be true. Jesus said that even what Moses had written was not God’s perfect will.

They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Mark 10:4-9)

God had conceded to this law because it was true that the husbands had been led into the marriage under false pretences. However, God had desired that the men forgave their wives and made the marriage work.



The woman caught in adultery

God is a restorer and not a destroyer. Jesus told the woman who had been caught in adultery to leave her life of sin.

Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11b)

He wasn’t interested in what would have been a meaningless punishment but in what would have been a meaningful change. It is the devil that is the destroyer, and it is the devil that is the great tempter. The devil is in the business of destroying marriages through adultery, and God is in the business of preserving marriages from adultery. Does this mean that God does not condemn adultery because Jesus did not condemn the woman? Both God and Jesus see adultery as unacceptable behaviour. The Pharisees wanted to condemn Jesus as not a keeper of the law to the people through his inaction or to the government as his own lawmaker through his action. However Jesus responded to the woman brought to him for adultery, the Pharisees planned to condemn him. Enforcing the death penalty for adultery would have served no purpose in regards to changing the society for it would have been random rather than uniform. The change in society was not an issue in this example, but the opportunity for change in this woman’s life was the great issue. Nevertheless, it is God’s will for our society to address the issue of adultery. He wants to protect marriages from the adultery that the great tempter seeks to bring upon all those who are married.



Fornication

Moses had established that divorce immediately after marriage was acceptable because of unrevealed sex before marriage. Sex before marriage is called fornication. Therefore, it was not acceptable to divorce a woman for any reason other than fornication. As stated previously, Moses wrote that if the accusation of fornication was found to be untrue, the man could never divorce her as long as he lived. Jesus acknowledged this and said that it was true that a man could divorce his wife under Moses for fornication. What he said exactly was,

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:32 - King James Version)

Jesus said ‘fornication’, but what the experts in the Bible today say is that the Greek word could also refer to sex after marriage. This is the spirit of the Pharisees repeated all over again. Jesus said ‘fornication’ because he was referring back to Moses who had written about fornication. One of the problems with translating from one language to another is that you have to choose which of the possible meanings available the speaker was actually intending to convey. The experts in the Bible have chosen the wrong meaning as Jesus said fornication because he clearly meant fornication. Tragically, most modern translations of the Bible don’t use the word ‘fornication’ but other words such as ‘marital unfaithfulness’, ‘sexual immorality’ or ‘unchastity’. These English words exclude fornication as the only valid reason. While the appropriate interpretation is still obtainable with these modern translated words remaining in the text, they are very misleading.



Wrong translation doesn’t make sense

Jesus’s teaching doesn’t even make sense without the meaning of fornication. If sexual infidelity in itself provides legitimate grounds for divorce, how can Jesus say the remarriage is condemned because sufficient legitimate grounds for the annulling of the previous marriage have not been met? Obviously, the fact that there is a sexual union in the remarriage proves that sexual infidelity in regards to the first marriage has occurred. Read the following text.

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32)

What I’m saying is that ‘marital unfaithfulness’ has occurred through the remarriage. If Jesus had meant marital unfaithfulness instead of fornication, he would not have condemned those in the remarriage because the fact that they are remarried shows marital unfaithfulness in regards to the first marriage has occurred. Therefore, it would not have made sense for Jesus to teach that those in the next marriage are committing adultery if adultery annuls an existing marriage. Now that you know the truth, what will you do? If a doctor prescribed a remedy to cure you but it was actually killing you, what would you do? You would stop taking is as soon as you realised it was deadly. Jesus is the true doctor of your soul, and you need to turn to his words and his teachings.



Not all divorce is unacceptable

The Apostle Paul repeated Jesus’ words, but he qualified them. Firstly, he said,

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

Then, he said,

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:12-15)

Paul was fully aware that Jesus had provided no grounds for divorce once a marriage had been established. However, he believed that Jesus’ words applied to Christians instead of everybody in the world. In regards to everybody in the world, he believed by the Spirit of God that he had something to add to Jesus’ words.

… I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 7:40b)

Jesus’ words applied to two people who were married and knew God. When one person didn’t know Christ or both people didn’t know Christ, it was a different situation. Not all divorce is unacceptable to God, and not all remarriage is unacceptable to God. Divorce is unacceptable to God when both of the people in the marriage claim to have a relationship with Christ. If Jesus is their lord, he expects them to act like he is their lord. He expects them to stand their ground in the face of difficulty and adversity.



Separation

This doesn’t mean that we can’t be separated from our marriage partners. A woman, for example, has every right to separate from a violent husband. God says that he hates husbands clothing themselves with violence towards their wives as much as he hates divorce.

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. (Malachi 2:16)

God doesn’t expect you to stay there and be battered and beaten. You need help with your husband, and more importantly your husband needs help. Separation is possible, but it is not ideal. It may be appropriate in the short-term, but in the long-term, the two of you need to work out your differences and be reconciled.



Get your heart right with God first

What should you do if you now realise that you are living a life of sin in God’s eyes and that you have no eternal inheritance, no heaven in Christ Jesus? As the Bible says, "This matter can not be taken care of in a day or two because we have sinned greatly in this thing" (Ezra 10:13). You will need time although you can get your heart right with God right now. You don’t need to wait until you’ve sorted everything out. The place where you need to begin is in your heart. Get your heart right before God, and he will give you the power to get your circumstances right. If you don’t get your heart right first, you will be operating in your own strength, and this is not the best way to go. You should be cleansed first by the blood of Jesus before you do anything else. To be cleansed by the blood of Jesus, you need to simply accept it by faith. If your heart is right when you ask God to forgive you, you will be forgiven. Your circumstances don’t need to always be right when you pray but only your heart. When you have a right heart, it will change your circumstances to come into line with your right heart. In fact, you will hurt a lot of people if you try to deal with a circumstance such as this without your heart first being right. When your heart is right and you are clean by the blood of Jesus, the power of the Holy Spirit rests upon you. It is the power of the Holy Spirit resting upon you that brings about change from the inside of your being. Don’t settle for mere outward change, but allow God to change you from your heart. As I have written, it is very simple. You get your heart right and have faith in the blood, which results in the power of the Holy Spirit to change you. You should never deviate from these three foundational principles:

1. Your heart must be right for your faith in the blood of Jesus to be effective.
2. You must take it by faith and really believe that you have been forgiven in God’s eyes.
3. You must accept that you are not a slave to sin because through the power of the Holy Spirit that has renewed you, you are a victor over all sin.

Sin is not your master because you are not led by laws but the Holy Spirit who leads you in agreement with those laws. You must have faith. This is not only in the power of God to forgive you, but also in the power of God to raise you up over sin and be victorious over it.



Be restored to you rightful marriage partner

It is God’s will that you be restored to your Christian wife or husband if you have been divorced. If both of you are remarried, you must return to your rightful marriage partners. If you have children from your remarriages, you need to ensure that you fulfil your parental responsibilities in relation to them after you return to your rightful marriage partners. Remember though that not all remarriages are unacceptable to God and not all divorces are unacceptable to God. However, two people who are believers can never divorce. They can separate, but they can never divorce. Let me repeat that. They can never divorce. Moses said,

He can never divorce her as long as he lives. (Deuteronomy 22:29b)

Jesus said,

… the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Luke 16:18b)

If they do divorce, it is not valid in the kingdom of God. Then, if they remarry, it is not valid in the kingdom of God. If the situation wasn’t as serious as it is, Jesus, God in human form, would not have said that it was as serious as it is. Am I your enemy if I tell you the truth about heaven or hell? No, I’m not. I’m not your enemy. Your enemy is the liar, the devil. It is he who lied to you in the first place and told you it was all right to divorce and remarry when it wasn’t. I am not your enemy. I am a servant of God, sent to tell you the truth so that you may be saved. Be saved! Turn from your adultery! Turn to the Lord, and he will save you and deliver you from all your evil. As I wrote before, God is a restorer and not a destroyer. It was the destroyer that destroyed what God wanted to restore, and it is the restorer that wants to restore what was once destroyed. Can I promise you that you will be better off taking this path? No, I cannot, but I can promise you that any path that leads to hell is not one that you want to take.



Wake up! You’re in the Last Days

Dear friends, wake up! You’re living in the last days. Truth has been compromised in the church. Salvation has been lost for so many. Jesus said that people could do many mighty things in his name, and he may still say to them,

… I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!" (Matthew 7:23b)

God has sent his truth to the world in the Bible. Heaven and earth may pass away, but its truth never will. Does it really surprise you that so much darkness could be in the church? A basic knowledge of church history will reveal to you that the church was in great darkness in the time of Martin Luther, but the people thought that they were in a glorious church age. Come out of the darkness, and come into God’s Word! Read the Word with an open heart, a heart of obedience that simply seeks to obey and believe whatever he says. Believe the Bible’s truth that you cannot be saved unless you repent and prove your repentance through your deeds (Acts 26:20). For those of you who are familiar with end times, we are in the Laodicean Church Age. This is an age where the people in the church think that they have completely arrived in the spiritual riches of God’s Word, but they are actually completely lost. Repent! Save yourselves from this corrupt age and generation. Don’t be taken away by the flood of perversity that has overtaken the world. Come into the ark of God’s Word and go through into great glory. If you take a stand for Jesus, he will never deny you. He will raise you up with him and seat you in high places. Do not be afraid of what these people are afraid of, but be afraid of him to whom you should really be afraid. That is the one who has the power to throw you into hell. Nothing that you can gain in this world will ever comfort you in hell. Have you ever been violently ill? While you were vomiting, were you thinking about how nice the holiday in Paris was? No, you weren’t. You were totally consumed with your suffering and nothing else was relevant. So too will it be like that in hell. Nothing else will matter to you. The only thing that will consume you will be that there is no hope of ever getting out of your suffering. Satan has placed a false veneer all around you. Everything looks so sweet and pleasurable, but he is simply waiting for you to die and using you as much as he can until you do.



Forgive

What should you do if your partner has been unfaithful to you? The Bible says,

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? (Proverbs 27:4)

It also says that jealousy will give in just as easily as hell will give up those in it (Song of Solomon 8:6). Surely, this is impossible for us, but it is not impossible for God, who can open our hearts to forgive. God opened the way in the prophet Hosea’s heart to forgive, and he can open the way in your heart as well. God said to Hosea,

"Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. (Hosea 3:1a)

However, you must remember that God has promised in the New Testament to judge all adulterers (Hebrews 13:4). You may forgive your partner, but if your partner does not judge himself or herself, he or she will certainly be judged by the Lord. Do you want your partner to go to hell forever and ever or be saved? If you want anybody to go to hell, you do not truly understand what hell is. Paul was so concerned about others going to hell that he could have in fact given himself to hell in order to save them from it (Romans 9:3). Moses had the same concern (Exodus 32:32). Hell is not a punishment that ends after a period of time. It is a state that renders people completely powerless to follow through with their selfishly sinful desires. The saying, "I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy" certainly applies to hell. Dear people, you don’t want those who sin to go to hell. You want them to come to repentance and be saved. Look into your heart. Forgive, and move on. The fact is that you don’t really have any other option. You will have to entrust yourself to God. The sin will be dealt with either way. Either your partner will deal with it or God will deal with it.



Jealousy

It may come as a great surprise to many, but that type of jealousy does not come from being godly. It is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It is a manifestation of the flesh.

Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, (Galatians 5:19-20 - New American Standard)

There are legitimate aspects to jealousy, of course, but if it is controlling you instead of you controlling it, you will end up in trouble. You must learn to filter all of your instincts through your renewed mind. It is your renewed mind coupled with your born-again spirit that will set you free in life. These two will give you great peace and life abundantly. If you allow your emotions to control you, you will never move forward in the Christian life. Of course, emotions have validity. Otherwise, why would God have given them to you in the first place? However, you must understand that they are not accurate indicators. The accurate indicator is God’s Word. If you will allow God’s Word to renew your mind, you will have a completely different emotional life. Your emotions will change from your ultimate enemy to your friend. You are not jealousy’s slave. Jealousy is there to motivate you to care and do your best to protect your partner from falling.



Partners generally reflect partners

Many wives say that the problems in their marriage are with their husband, and many husbands say that the problems in their marriage are with their wife. The fact is though that the husband is very much the product of the wife, and the wife is very much the product of the husband. In many ways, you are reaping within each other what you have sown. Wives, have you been submissive to your husbands from your heart? Husbands, have you cared deeply for your wives from your heart? Don’t think that your wife is going to be submitting to you if you don’t care deeply for her, and don’t think that your husband is going to be caring deeply for you if you are not submitting to him. Many of you have caught yourselves in a vicious cycle that you can’t get out of. You are going to have to stand on the truth of God’s Word if you are going to make this work. Remember that with God, nothing is impossible. Husbands, you can stand up in what is right and be amazed at the work God will do in the life of your wife. Wives, you can stand up in what is right and be amazed at the work God will do in the life of your husband. Take your stand by submitting to the Word.

If you are a wife, submit to your husband but only secondly to Jesus.

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

You are to submit to Jesus first, then, your husband. If your husband asks you to submit to something that Jesus has forbidden you to do, you must not obey. It is God who is your lord and not your husband. However, you are to submit to your husband in domestic matters. Two heads make a monster. It is the husband who is the head of the family unit.

Husbands, you are to love your wife deeply and care about her. She is not your slave because Jesus said that the one in greater authority is to be the servant of those under his authority and not the other way around. You are to serve your wife as you lead her just as you are to serve your children as you lead them.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them… Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:19,21)

You are responsible before God for the state of your household. Are your children wild? Do not look to your wife. Look to your Lord to show you how to bring discipline and order in a spirit of love. Do not blame your wife for the problems in your household. Instead, take responsibility for them. Rise up into the mighty man of God that he has called you to be! He would not have created you as a man if he had not equipped you for the task before you. You can do this. You can be a great blessing to your household and lead them into what is right.